You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone
by darkangel9314
Summary: Two months after Elena Gilbert suffered a miscarriage her husband Damon Salvatore suggest that they go to grief counseling to ease the pain, but will Elena be able to overcome her grief and move on with her life or will she be forever blaming herself for an accident that wasn't her fault?
1. Chapter 1

You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone

Chapter 1

Elena took in a deep breath as the tears rolled down her face. This was all her fault. She knew this for a fact. She hated herself almost as much as she hated God for what he did to her.

Who would be so cruel as to give her the greatest gift of becoming a mother and then take it away with just one stupid mistake that wouldn't have happened if the other person had been paying attention?

Elena wiped away her tears as she looked at adoption agencies and surrogates online. There had to be some way to fix her mistake.

The door unlocked as her husband Damon Salvatore stepped inside. He glanced over to her with a look of saddest in his eyes. It was the only look he had been giving her for the past six months. He was just as broken up about the situation as she was, but he wasn't the one who had been driving the car that night.

He exhaled and walked over to her placing a kiss on her cheek. She smiled sadly and turned her attention back to the computer.

"What are you up to?" he said whispering in her ear.

"Looking at my other options seeing as how having my own child is no longer an option."

Damon exhaled and kneeled down so that he was at her eye level. He pushed a strand of her hair back and put it behind her ear like he always did when he was comforting her.

"Listen Elena, We've been over this a thousand times. The car accident was not your fault. It was just some stupid kid who had been drinking too much and was on the wrong side of the road."

"I should have been paying attention."

"You'll never be able to move on with your life Elena if you don't forgive yourself. Maybe we should both get some help."

"What are you suggesting?"

"A grief counselor. Her name is Jo Parker. She's supposed to be one of the top therapists in the city and I think it'll be good for us."

"I don't think anything will make this better Damon, but I'll try it your way."

Damon gave her a sad smile and a kiss. She hoped at least this would give her some peace of mind.


	2. Chapter 2

You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone

Chapter 2

Elena looked around at the waiting room that she had now occupied . Damon was stuck working late again and to save them the trouble of losing more than a whole grand she agreed to go to their therapy session alone.

Elena exhaled as she waited patiently for Dr. Josette Parker to arrive. It had been nearly thirty minutes since Elena had got their and the therapist was still busy calming down her latest patient. Elena could hear murmured conversation through the walls.

It had hit the forty five minute mark when Josette finally entered the waiting room smiling at Elena. Elena tried to imitate her smile but it just wasn't working out for her. She always hated when people were late to their own appointments.

"Hello Mrs. Salvatore, I'm Dr. Josette Parker, but you can call me Jo for short. I'm sorry I was trying to calm down a client, but if you still want to resume your session I'll be more than happy to wave the charge for the first day."

"Thank you Dr. Parker that's very kind of you. I think maybe that's not such a bad idea."

Josette nodded and Elena walked with her to the nice but very cramped office. Josette sat down in her chair and opened up a folder that read Elena and Damon Salvatore. She grabbed her pen and looked at Elena bringing the smile back on her face.

"So Elena. Tell me why you are here."

"I thought my husband would tell you over the phone."

"He did, but I like to get all the perspectives first before just jumping into it."

"Fine you want the truth, here's the truth. I was driving a car one night. A teenager got a little too drunk and decided to drive then he got in our lane I was changing a CD and not paying attention and before I knew it our car was flipping over and I felt the blood dripping down my thighs. It was horrible when the doctors told me that I lost my baby. And I've been trying to make it right ever since."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Really? You're seriously using the how does that make you feel question on me?"

"It's just a simple question Elena."

"How do you think I feel? I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel angry and depressed. My emotions have magnified because of my grief. I hate feeling like this and everything I try to talk to my church about it they always reply that God needed my child to come back to heaven. Why would they say that if my child had not lived in the first place? Can you tell me why? Or is that a little bit above your critic."

Josette sighed and jotted down something in her notes.

"I can't tell you why God did it Elena. No one can except Himself. I personally think it's a crime of nature to take a child so young."

Elena's tears fell from her eyes. She didn't want someone to pry into her emotions. She wanted the pain to go away. All of it.

"I just want the pain to go away Jo."

"That's the problem Elena I don't think it ever will."

"Have you ever been in this situation doctor?"

"Actually I have Mrs. Salvatore. My husband and I were expecting twin when my deranged brother broke into the house and stabbed my stomach. It's a miracle that I'm still even alive."

Elena nodded looking at Jo in a new light.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Parker."

Josette took hold of Elena's hand and squeezed filling Elena with hope. Maybe this therapist wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.


	3. Chapter 3

You Were Never Here, but You were Never Gone

Chapter 3

Elena tapped her foot as she waitied for Damon to share his feelings with the therapist. It had been over two weeks since she had first came and this was Damon's first time here. Elena had to admit she felt comfortable around Jo. She just hoped Damon felt the same way.

"How does this sitution make you feel Damon?"

"I lost my child Dr. Parker, I've been getting through it to the best of my abilities."

Jo wrote his sentance down in her folder no doubt to document it later.

"How do you feel Mr. Salvatore?"

"I feel angry at God and I feel pissed off that it had to happen to Elena. She wanted this child for as long as I could remember."

"Did you want this child Mr. Salvatore?"

"I wanted to give Elena everything she always wanted. Having a baby with her was just a plus."

"What are your stances when it comes to your wife wanting to adopt?"

"I think that it's too soon. I think she has to properly heal before we have another child."

"How do you feel about that Elena?"

"I feel that i am ready to start a family with Damon. No matter what i have to do."

Jo nodded and wrote down our conversation.

"Would you be open to the idea of adoption Damon?"

"Of course. I just want to make sure she really wants this before we do this."

"It seems like fair reasoning. I'll tell you what you two talk this over and i'll see how you guys are doing for your next visit."

Damon and Elena nodded as they left the doctors office hand in hand not knowing what was in store next.


	4. Chapter 4

You Were Never Here, but You were Never Gone

Chapter 3

Elena tapped her foot as she waitied for Damon to share his feelings with the therapist. It had been over two weeks since she had first came and this was Damon's first time here. Elena had to admit she felt comfortable around Jo. She just hoped Damon felt the same way.

"How does this sitution make you feel Damon?"

"I lost my child Dr. Parker, I've been getting through it to the best of my abilities."

Jo wrote his sentance down in her folder no doubt to document it later.

"How do you feel Mr. Salvatore?"

"I feel angry at God and I feel pissed off that it had to happen to Elena. She wanted this child for as long as I could remember."

"Did you want this child Mr. Salvatore?"

"I wanted to give Elena everything she always wanted. Having a baby with her was just a plus."

"What are your stances when it comes to your wife wanting to adopt?"

"I think that it's too soon. I think she has to properly heal before we have another child."

"How do you feel about that Elena?"

"I feel that i am ready to start a family with Damon. No matter what i have to do."

Jo nodded and wrote down our conversation.

"Would you be open to the idea of adoption Damon?"

"Of course. I just want to make sure she really wants this before we do this."

"It seems like fair reasoning. I'll tell you what you two talk this over and i'll see how you guys are doing for your next visit."

Damon and Elena nodded as they left the doctors office hand in hand not knowing what was in store next.


	5. Chapter 5

You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone

Chapter 5

Elena taped her foot impatiently as her and Damon waited in the office at the adoption agency. Today was their interview and she was really nervous. After all she could finally get her dream in a month or so.

"Elena and Damon Salvatore." the worker said.

They got up and followed the worker to her office. Elena just hoped that this would go well. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't. They sat down and the social worker looked at her.

"Hello Mr and Mrs. Salvatore. My name is Linda and i'll be doing your interview today. How long have you two been married?"

"We've been married for seven years."

The case worker wrote that down. It was like being in the therapist office all over again.

"What made you consider adoption?"

"After I lost my baby, I found out that I could no longer have kids."

"And is the fact that you can't have kids affecting your decision for adoption?"

Elena sighed. " I will always remember my baby no matter what. But I think it's time to move on with my life."

"How long has it been since you lost the baby?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's a question to make sure that you're mentally prepared to take in another baby."

Elena sighed as Damon squeezed her hand.

"It's been a year."

The social worker nodded as she wrote that down in her notepad. None of this would work if the social worker didn't think she was capable of being a mother.

"Okay. How would you descibe you relationship?"

Damon and Elena looked at each other.

"I say we're doing okay considering we just lost a child last year." Damon said.

"And how would you describe your relationship Elena?"

"I love Damon no matter what happens to us in life."

The social worker nodded scribbling down the infromation.

"How would you describe your friends?"

"Our friends?"

"I have to ask about all aspects of your life. It's important."

Elena exhaled. "There great."

The social worker nodded and asked a few more questions before she left Elena just hoped she made a lasting impression on this woman or else she didn't know what she was going to do.


	6. Chapter 6

You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone

Chapter 6

Elena's smile grew wider as she stepped into the place where she would meet her future daughter or son. She knew that this child would never replace the one she had lost, but she was willing to give motherhood another shot. She just hope that she deserved it.

Elena took Damon's hand and squeezed it tight as the social worker opened the doors and smiled letting them into the room where they would meet the children who were up for adoption. Elena just hoped that she didn't screw this up. She didn't want anything else to ruin the only chance she had at being a mother.

"Hello Damon and Elena, how are you two doing today?"

"We're doing great, so who are we meeting today?"

"Well since the baby isn't technically born yet, it's up to the birth mother to decide if she sees you fit to raise her child."

"And what if she doesn't?" Elena asked nervous.

Damon grabbed a hold of her hand and squeezed, but she was pretty sure her palms were sweating like crazy by this point. She was genuinely concerned that she might not get another chance like this ever again.

"Well if the birth mother doesn't see that you are fit to raise her child we have other options. We can get you interviews with some of the children that we think you'd be compatible with or there's always being a foster parent. You have a lot of options if this girl says no. She's about six months pregnant but doesn't mean she still isn't scared so I would try and not judge her if I were you."

"How-How old is she?"

"She just barely turned fourteen."

Elena's eyes widened she had heard of teenager getting pregnant, but she had never thought a girl would be this young and pregnant. She had just barely begun to experience life herself and now she was pregnant with a baby of her own.

"How? How did she get pregnant?"

"You see that's not something I can openly discuss with you, but if Sutton wants to tell you how she got pregnant than she can. "

Elena nodded not willing to argue. This was probably hard enough for Sutton so she wouldn't bother to ask.

"I'll go get her, you two can take a seat."

They both sat down as the social worker went to go get Sutton. Elena had to admit that she was nervous, but she had to stay positive it was the only way she would make it through. But she still wondered what was going through Sutton's mind and if she should at least take her into consideration. There were so many things she hadn't considered about this. She didn't even know where to start. Where did you start when a girl was giving away her own unborn baby before she even got a chance to hold her? Elena would have given anything to hold her baby at least once. But before she could think about that any further the door opened to reveal the social worker and the young girl named Sutton.

Elena's eyes widened as she looked at the girl before her. The young girl had a young face with long brown hair and brown eyes. Elena had to admit she was a pretty girl and it did look like she had a pretty good size baby bump on her so she was at least trying to take care of herself. Elena sighed and extended her hand out to Sutton when she sat down.

"Hello Sutton, I'm Elena and this is my husband Damon. It's nice to finally meet you."

Sutton looked at Elena's hand in confusion but still shook it anyway as Elena sat back down. So far so good. Sutton grabbed a clipboard which she assumed was full of questions that the mother had for her and Elena inhaled ready to answer all her questions with complete honesty.

"Let's start with some pretty basic questions. Damon we'll start with you. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a lawyer at a very prestigious law firm."

"And what about you Elena?"

"I own my own online business."

Sutton nodded and wrote those answers down in her book looking thoughtful.

"Do you both have good relationships with your family and your friends?"

"We actually haven't been that close as of lately."

"Why is that?"

Damon squeezed her hand encouraging her to go on.

"I actually just recently lost my baby. It was a devastating time for me, so I pushed my friends away and now they're deciding to stay away themselves."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Thank you."

Sutton shook her head and scribbled something down.

"Why did you decide to adopt?"

"After I got into my accident my life was forever changed whenever my doctor said that not only had I lost my baby, but I also extended so much injuries that I can never have kids. I want to adopt because I want to be a mother no matter if it's my blood or not my blood."

Sutton nodded and closed her notebook taking Elena's hand.

"I thank you for telling me your story and I would love to give you this child."

Elena smiled from ear to ear and kissed Damon as she stood up and hugged Sutton. Finally she was finally getting what she always wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

You Were Never Here, but You Were Never Gone

Chapter 7

Elena sat in the office that she knew all too well as she sat down and filled out her part of the adoption papers. Progress was finally being made and Elena couldn't wait to start this part of her journey. She just hoped that with this new responsibility that she would have her therapist approval. If she didn't get it, she wasn't sure what she would do.

Finally after what seemed like hours of torturous waiting the doctor finally came in as Elena straightened out the dress she was wearing and sat up hoping that she looked more confident than she had felt.

"Good morning Elena. What did you want to see me for today?"

"I want to let you know that I've made some progress and I'm really excited for my next venture."

"And what would that be?"

"I'm going forward with my plans to adopt a child."

"Do you really think that's such a good idea at the moment?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"What I mean Elena is that you just barely lost a child. It takes time to cope with a loss as great as that and I'm not certain that your ready."

"You're wrong."

"Really why do you think so?"

"Because I deserve to be a mother and I'm not going to let you stop me."

"Have you ever stopped and really thought about this Elena? Do you know if you really want to be a mother or if you're just grieving and trying to replace what you lost?"

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that I'm only adopting a child to replace the one I lost. That's fucking crazy." Elena said grabbing her purse in frustration and going towards the door.

"Elena come back here. We need to talk about this."

Elena turned back to her therapist and narrowed her eyes.

"I think we're done talking." she said as she exited the office hoping to never come back again.


End file.
